Well I’m back. I had a drink with an Ethiopian who then gave me front row seat on the Hollywood tour bus. I took a boat ride in Long Beach and had a Corona while we sailed away. I saw all those big and rich celebrity homes in Beverley Hills; like Britney Spears, George Clooney and The Osbornes. I drove through Inglewood and listened to Dr Dre. I talked to a crazy homeless girl who has been pregnant with ‘thorn’ for a few years now. Woohoo!

I knew full well that it would’ve been much faster to take the GPS directions down to Malibu, but I really wanted to take the scenic path and see Route 1. I can’t say whether or not it was worth it now because it’s so dangerous on those steep and windy curves and I paid 5.64 a gallon for gas that doesn’t last long driving up and down hillsides. But, the views were amazing after the fog burned off. Route 1 is a hundred or so miles or so of cliffs, ridges and rocks. After a while you get so used to driving left and right, you forget that your a five feet from a few hundred feet fall!
After Route 1 was over with I was dead set on getting to Malibu! Not just because the name sounds so awesome, but mostly because of the Tenacious D secret track called Malibu Nights. Honestly, it’s really nice but I was pretty much underwhelmed. I may have just been tired from the drive, but it wasn’t what I expected. I don’t really know what I was looking for out there but I didn’t find it. I stayed the night in Agoura Hills, which is about 15 minutes away and ate fish at a place called Chuy’s (pronounced Chewies). I came back to the hotel, sat by the pool and watched the cars speeding by contemplating how humans learned to build and ride in such fast boxes with wheels. Not just that, but how many there are and seriously, WTF. Since I had been driving for eight+ hours, I decided it was probably time to go to sleep.
I woke up a few times in the middle of the night not knowing where I was. After the pretty crappy / awesome complimentary breakfast I hit the road towards Los Angeles. Surprisingly there was hardly anyone on the highway. First I drove to the wrong Hollywood Blvd and wondered to myself if Hollywood may have been closed in the mornings. I called Sonya, because she probably knows these things and she told me to look for the Chinese Theater. So after another eight miles of driving I found free parking at the Kodak theater. I walked around and saw the sidewalk stars, shops and tour buses.

I wound up meeting the Ethiopian guy I mentioned earlier who owned one of the tour bus companies. I signed up for the 10:45 trip. Sweet! I walked around aimlessly for another two hours waiting for the tour which would take me into the Hollywood Hills, Beverly Hills and Sunset Strip. One person after another begged for my money in exchange for tours, clothes and star maps. It seems to be the way of life down there. Meh. During the wait I found the Harry Potter stars’ foot and hand prints, the Jimmy Kimmell Show theater and the Hollywood sign in the distance. Around 10:15 I headed back to the tour bus pickup where the Ethiopian guy was swearing into the sky about killing another tour guide. He sits down next to me and starts ranting about how he hates people. Well, we wind up talking for a half an hour about the world and after he offered me a drink out of his flask of hard liquor (which usually i would turn down, but hey it’s Hollywood right?), he stood up and proclaimed me to be one of the coolest people in the world on the top of his lungs and drunk off his ass. I was so cool in fact, I got shotgun on the tour bus! Word.

The tour was about two and a half hours of sightseeing. From the hills to the mansions. In no particular order and missing a bunch: Houses of Brad Pitt, Ozzy Osborne, and so many more. I drove around Beverly Hills and stuff, looking at houses and people. And then headed off to Long Beach.

There aren’t many words to describe Long Beach other than perfect. My new goal is to make enough money to live there or at least own property to visit on a whim. I’m pretty sure that it’s heaven on earth. I would complain about the oil rigs off shore, but I’m sure they’re what make the city profitable enough to look so damn sexy. Sublime. Indeed.
That’s enough talking click here to view the slideshow! I urge you to visit Long Beach.
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california,
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